webofevil: (Default)
I wonder if I would be more readily fooled by click-me spam banners pretending to be Facebook message windows if they didn't consistently misinterpret my London address.

What, now? Um, okay, I guess... I mean, it's 1.30am and there's no direct train, but if I get a cab to Marylebone there might be an overnight service to Wolverhampton. I can't imagine the local services will still be running at that time so I guess it'll be a long-distance cab from there. I should make it to Telford by maybe 5am, more likely 6am, so I don't know if you want to get an early coffee and maybe go halves on the cab fare? Let me know!
webofevil: (Default)
Call me a hopeless old pedant, but this Facebook ad really doesn't inspire confidence.
webofevil: (Default)
You may be aware of the phenomenon whereby you receive unsolicited email messages appearing to contain offers for goods and services at amazing prices—with subject lines such as, for example, “Exquisite Replica”—but which might in fact not be quite what they appear. Some, if you can credit it, are even designed with malicious intent and are intended merely to trap the unwary into responding electronically, an act that could in turn initiate one of a number of elaborate online scams.

If you get the feeling that I am describing something that is quite well known, perhaps even obvious, then good for you, you’re probably one of those irredeemably cynical media-savvy kids that marketers fall over themselves to attract. But spare a thought for those who are less calculating—less jaded, goddammit—and thus less likely to spurn the blandishments of a complete stranger:

Exquisite Replica: Never sent my products Internet

I ordered $500.00 in watches from this company Credit card billed right away (with an additional $13.00 admin charge). Waited 3 weeks and never got them. When I phoned they were rude, and said they were out of stock of the product. Re-ordered the product (switched the one watch that was out of stock). Waited another 3 weeks and nothing.

They now are claiming that I got the watches, but will not give me any mailing info. Told me if I did not like it I could "hire a lawyer".

Might just do that, but expensive, because I am in Canada and of limited means.

End-story... avoid these people at all cost.

Windsor, Ontario


May. 15th, 2009 12:09 pm
webofevil: (Default)
I had promised my cousin that I would try to find online the soundtrack of the film “Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress” [“Ha ha ha! It kind of sounds like ‘ball sack’ if you pronounce it wrong! Like a scrotum on a person! Which sometimes gets called a ball sack! There’s a sitcom in this, right?” – BBC3 spokesman]. This turns out to be far more difficult than it should be, by the way, but in the process I came across a couple of sites that appeared to be offering free downloads of the entire film. I say “appeared” because I have no idea what clicking on any of their links would do to your computer.

Maybe I’m casting unwarranted aspersions on innocent, honest bloggers here, but I rather doubt it. Site after randomly named site features the same blocks of text, reproduced and retranslated without comprehension but with the single intention of persuading you to download what they’re offering. This isn’t the main way that the Chinese government unnamed malicious hackers are spreading their spyware, is it?
Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress was compatible! You have to have knowledge of this movie! A wonderful performance by Xun Zhou & Kun Chen make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress a “have got to visualize” movie!

The surprising cast includes Xun Zhou, Kun Chen, Ye Liu, Shuangbao Wang, Zhijun Cong. This cast just make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress the more surprising!

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress was congenial! You have to appreciate this movie! A glorious performance by Xun Zhou Kun Chen make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress a “have to appreciate” movie!

Precisely an award winning rendition with characters that you can unquestionably relate to, the movie is critical to note the least. I will not forget to mention that Kun Chen is eye-opening also!

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress was mellifluous! You have to lay a wager this movie! A peachy performance by Xun Zhou & Kun Chen make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress a “have got to regard” movie!

The awesome cast includes Xun Zhou, Kun Chen, Ye Liu, Shuangbao Wang, Zhijun Cong. This cast just make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress the more wondrous!

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress was likable! You have to examine this movie! A magnificent performance by Xun Zhou & Kun Chen make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress a “ought to find out” movie!

The stupendous movie, Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress, featuring Xun Zhou is deeply most enjoyable, with a supporting cast of stellar stars, care for Kun Chen, will for certain be worth while to head and appreciate.

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress was likable! You have to parlay this movie! A conspicuous performance by Xun Zhou Kun Chen make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress a “have got to prehend” movie!

Rightfully an award winning exhibition with characters that you can for a certainty relate to, the movie is pivotal to voice the least. I will not forget to mention that Kun Chen is wonderful also!

Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress was pleasing! You have to weigh this movie! A inconceivable performance by Xun Zhou Kun Chen make Balzac and the Little Chinese Seamstress a “must probe” movie!
As a rule, it’s probably time to ask questions when you encounter so many pages, ostensibly on many different websites, that look exactly the same.

And this one rather gives the game away:

webofevil: (Default)
Frankly, I’m disappointed. This 419 spam from “Ferdous Siddiq” isn’t even trying. Where’s the back story? Where’s all the stuff about civil wars and needing to smuggle money out of the country? Where is there any indication why he selected me for this honour? What are the odds of anyone falling for this? (Answer: depressingly, still comparatively high.)
I am the Director in charge of Auditing section Bank in the Group Bank of African, I need your urgent assistance in transferring the sum of $17.3 million immediately to your account.

I will send you full details on how the business will be executed and also note that you will have some percentage of the above mentioned amount if you agree to help me execute this business,

Now permit me to ask some few questions.

1. Can you honestly help me as your partner?
2. Can i completely trust you?
3. What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after the money is transfer to your country?
4. Can you help me to come over to your country and further my educational carrier?
5. Can you assure me of the confidentiality of this transaction, So that when coming in to your country there would not be focus of attention.

Waiting for your urgent reply and God bless you
Mr, Ferdous
I give this lacklustre example 2 out of 10, especially when far more vigorous efforts are being made to grab my attention and entice me to download trojans and God knows what else. Such as:

The message attached to this last was: “Could you use an extra $15OO to $35OO rlght now? Many see theres ln the flrst 48hrs but you must call my message llne to hear my brelf message on how thls ls posslble and how you can do lt to”. The only celebrity berries I can think of are a couple of members of the Munch Bunch, the Ribena berries and, if you stretch a point, maybe the California raisins. I’ll leave it to you to decide which one this came from.

That’s a harsh claim. What if we worked at it?

Is that really true about “the most important thing”? Are some people’s priorities truly that skewed? Still, it’s nice to know that these dealers guarantee that your watch will stay with you whatever the time is, which must be a blessed relief if you’ve been unlucky enough to own fickle timepieces in the past. In fact there seems generally to be some confusion over what watches can be usefully compared to:

Or even exactly how to use them:

And who could fail to be charmed by this opening gambit from “the lonely woman Marina”, apparently a Russian lady who hope she can become for me friend:
Hello not the man familiar to me!
webofevil: (Default)

I’m not absolutely sure, but I think I’m being offered a time machine.
webofevil: (Default)
To: [livejournal.com profile] webofevil

Hi! I found you on the Internet and I would be very happy if we know each other better, as you see it? I write to you and hope that you will turn its attention to me, I am very good girl and very care tenderly, I hope that I ponravlyus you. I just think that we can move on to “you”? I will await your response.
It’s kind of disappointing that I already know “ponravlyus” means “please” in Russian. It denies me seconds of amused speculation.
webofevil: (Default)
Once in a while spam manages to bypass my junk filter and lands in my inbox. I wonder if on this occasion the reason was that the name of the sender who was offering me Viagra was “Douglass Hurd”.

Douglas(s) Hurd

Lord Hurd has an office somewhere in the building. Shall I email him thanking him for his offer and offer to drop by and pick up my order?
webofevil: (Default)

Another singles chart rundown. A little heavy on winsome female singer-songwriters this time, for some reason:
 1.  Cody DayWhat The Other Girls Wish They Had
 2.  The PillsExquisite Replica
 3.  Caitlyn DiamondPlease Respond Me
 4.  HalfyardAre You Evil?
 5.  Rosanna KruseNo Longer Enthralled
 6.  HittEuroVIP
 7.  JulianneHello From Julianne
 8.  The Narcotic Professionals     Sell Your Traffic
 9.  FabianGive Her Something To Smile About
10. Tanisha KimbleCan You Use A Phone?
Also nice to see that, wherever in the future this is being beamed from, Prince is enjoying a comeback, although what his fans will make of the change of direction signalled by his new single “Re: Your Debt Consolidation Loan” remains to be seen.


Nov. 5th, 2007 12:56 pm
webofevil: (Default)
It’s time once again for me to delve into my mailbag and answer some of the huge pile of correspondence I’ve received recently ).
webofevil: (Default)

You may remember when my junk mail folder briefly appeared to be beaming me album charts from the future. Now, sifting through the usual offers of cheap P@R@C3T@M0L and W0RM1N6 T@BL3TS, I find it has sent me a singles chart:
 1.  Tabatha HanksUnthawed
 2.  Linwood AbernathyHave U Heard
 3.  Karter Nightingale    Do It Right
 4.  Beaux EpsteinDrink It, Forget It
 5.  Lane LyonNo One Will Know
 6.  Magic JackpotHit The Hole
 7.  Jacques DelgadoPersuada
 8.  Loyd Wolf Talking On Cell Phones
 9.  Replica WatchesHe’s Also Phasing
10. Troy XHey!
webofevil: (*gulp*)
Dear Diary,

Today I received a letter from a stranger! I felt as though the sender’s unfamiliar name were challenging me as I gazed upon it; “Open me,” it seemed to say, “and feel the thrill of the unknown.” I did not do so at once, however; instead, I went for a short constitutional, deliberately postponing the moment. I felt my cheeks burn as I thought of nothing but the uninvited communication awaiting my return. At last I could fight the urge no longer, and ran the last few yards back to the house. With trembling fingers I set to opening my mail. What illicit treasure, what undreamed prizes, lay within? What wonderful adventures might be set in train by its contents? My heart aflame, I began to read:
From: Silas Hendrix

Penis Enlarge Patch will give you a shocking magnitude.

Penis Enlarge Patch will make you dick so large you will be able to park a car on it.

While we’re at it, “Gerald Q. Thomas” has written in to let me know that:
Great sex? It is probable!
webofevil: (Default)

Further to Monday’s spam albums, here are some hotly tipped new releases:
 1.  MindaReading For Fun
 2.  Cara Armstrong Feeling Better Now
 3.  Wilfredo WebsterDesigner Replica Shoes
 4.  Leah LeblancMaking Adjustments
 5.  Kory Murdock Dreamweaver
 6.  Stephnie Ferguson Just Keep In Touch
 7.  Experiment Dodson     Her Duration
 8.  Magan GrayIs It True?
 9.  Elbert Hart Must Have Drug
10. Oralle BurkeBanger Intolerance
webofevil: (stick with me)
Why does my junk mail folder suddenly read like an album chart? Is it a message from the future? Is this what the kids will be listening to in 10 years’ time?
 1.  Maynard HicksTime To Make A Change
 2.  Mary ConvenientMy There
 3.  Tonda WardFree Your Mind
 4.  Holly DecayIt Soul
 5.  Wilburn ChapmanHow Do You Feel
 6.  Incidence BoothGo Maritime
 7.  Conrad WinklerThere Is No Need To Parade Your Problems
 8.  Preston MerrittRight Timing, Right Choice
 9.  Marianne Gonzalez   History Shows...
10. Clarence ColeOur Service At Your Disposal
11. Jesse TatumYouGottaSeeThis
12. Ricky ClintonWrealistic
13. AdrianaIt’s Adriana
14. Noemi HammondRelax And Take The Time
15. Juanita SchroederJoin The Millions
16. Freddy EnterpriseOf Velocity
17. Clara DossYou Will Love This
18. Plasma KiserG Section
19. Matthew SanchezTransnational Dispensary
20. TravisDo U Remember
webofevil: (Default)
The latest development in spam, after the brief flush a short while back of subject lines like “I am really upset about last Wednesday” and “Sorry about Tuesday, I will make it up to you”, appears to be that whoever is currently generating spam is running a little low on inspiration. A far cry from the luxurious nonsense of, say, “Odometer R. Anglicanism”, senders’ names at the moment are commonly lone bleak words or phrases like “information”, “clearance”, “already present” or, aptly, “confusion”, while the subject headers are random snippets like “their operation has remained” or “take signal”. It’s like avant-garde SMS theatre.

Any signs of malaise in the names are, however, dispelled by the occasional peek at the spam itself. (I’m on a Mac, so I can pretty much do so with impunity. Don’t try this at home, PC kids.) I’m still delighted at being told by “Emery”, who sails under the flag “You cumm right after penetration” and opens with “Yo! Eliminate this problem and all the anxiety it causes! Become a better male!”, that once I’ve ingested his non-specific miracle cure, “she” will go crazy for me and “You won't forget your eyes after you finally gave her the long-lasting love”. This even beats “Efren” and his insistence that my girl will be impressed with “prolonged hardness and plentiful explosions”.

Mentioned in dispatches: Ed-Drugs. I’m getting to know their mails by the subject lines alone. Like almost all spam, they pretend to be from a real person (even with the random-character ones like “–©@¬Ž}Ž” you can pretend you’re getting mail from, say, Ptolemy II) and don't mention what they’re trying to peddle until your curiosity has been piqued enough to open the message. However, I now know at a glance that the distinctive found poetry of “He allow at articulate musquash chummy”, “By complain the prime swipe choosey”, “It understand my cease dixieland jilt” or “I sing at puffed dominican” means that once again someone at Ed-Drugs is having a go at convincing me I need Viagra. (My favourite of theirs: “Be work go wholesale mortality”, which deserves to be stolen for an album title.)

More than one spammer has invited me to “Have sex with locals”, which is altogether too isolated-villagey for me. Oh, and “Dolly Torres” tells me to “Get a better job!”, which is rich coming from someone paid to generate 80,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 worthless emails a day that people only read occasionally, as here, to take the piss.

Is someone teaching a degree course in these things yet? “The sublimation of metatextuality in the ubiquity of spam”; “If Shakespeare were alive today he'd be peddling Cialis”, etc? If not, I'll happily teach one on this journal. cant afford 4 yrs in school? the web of evil will GUARANTE you a diploma you can hang on yr wall. impress her with yr new quafilicatiofn! she will neevr look the same way again on yr eye!

According to this page, which asks “Qu’est-ce que le Spam?”, French-speaking purists insist on translating “spam” as “multipostages excessifs”. The site points out that this is “pas très heureux”.
webofevil: (sniper)
Among the debris washed up in my inbox by the daily tide of spam was this group:
I know Google are busy expanding the services they offer, but this looks like a serious case of mission creep.

Actually, the only message that appears to offer a sex-related product is "Give yourself the pleasure you deserve", which promises great deals on unspecified pills. The "she" who stars in the other subject lines appears not to be involved in this one at all—in which case, you have to ask, why the pills in the first place? If you're at the stage where you can't even "Give yourself the pleasure you deserve" without the help of pills off the internet, frankly it's time to consult your GP.

Here's the message entitled "Give her the night she deserves":
The series of questions may be random and their meaning unclear, but together they point towards a potential catastrophe of an evening, and it's unclear what "she" has done to deserve that.

Meanwhile, it turns out that "She will pray you to stop" simply claims to offer hardware on the cheap, so I'm guessing the subject line is missing its second half: "going on about your bloody computer".
webofevil: (Default)
Look, I know spam is old news, but sometimes it still cries out to be shared. After all, why would I have any reason to doubt Mr Otten's credentials?
Dea b r Home Ow r ne f r ,

Your c v red s it doesn't matter to us ! If you OW p N real e b st t at l e
and want I d MMED i IA f TE c x ash to sp g en t d ANY way you like, or simply wish
to LO d WER your monthly p z aym h ents by a third or more, here are the deal y s
we have T n ODA x Y :

$ 48 l 8 , 000 at a 3 , e 67% fi c xed - ra w te
$ 3 g 72 , 000 at a 3 l , 90% v s aria e ble - rat u e
$ 49 z 2 , 000 at a 3 , v 21% int p ere l st - only
$ 2 r 48 , 000 at a 3 p , 36% fi v xed - rat m e
$ 19 i 8 , 000 at a 3 , 5 j 5% vari j able - ra k te

Hurr m y, when these d x eaIs are gone, they are gone !

Don't worry about ap h prova b l, your cr f edi c t will not dis w qual r ify you !

Vi f si a t our x site <http://www.h54f.net>

Sincerely, Vytautas Otten

Ap l prova e l Manager
Hey, so long as my cr f edi c t will not dis w qual r ify me, I'm in!

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