The Web of Evil

This is one of those occasions where you're going to hope against hope that I've gone to a lot of trouble to set this up as some kind of elaborate satire but it's my solemn duty to inform you that: nope.

Have you ever wondered if your favorite donor looks like anyone famous? You know how tall he is and his hair and eye color, but wouldn't it be great to have an idea of what he really LOOKS like?

Yes, that kind of donor.

Now you can find out with a CLICK of your mouse! Researched and selected from the limitless expanses of the internet, CCB Donor Look-a-Likes™ can be actors, athletes, musicians, or anyone else famous enough to be found on the web. Worried you don't know enough pop-culture or watch enough TV to recognize the names? Not to worry... CCB Donor Look-a-Likes™ link directly to photos of the 2-3 celebrities our staff has deemed each donor most closely resembles.

Give it a try. You may find it hard to stop.*

(* I don't know what they mean by this.)

Go ahead and have browse at Cryobank.com, although at the first sign of "finding it hard to stop", by all means consult a doctor or an exorcist or something.

Click for big.

It’s unclear whether the unknown artist here is being postmodern or just confused.

(via Boing Boing)

Sadly not my own photograph; if I had stumbled across this actual item anywhere, several people would already have received them as presents by now. Because seriously.

The International Jurassic Park Erotic Fan-Fiction Writers’ Association

You can go ahead and assume that this is unsafe for work.

EDIT: For those of you prevented by work or other reasons from visiting this eye-opening site, I present the following heavily censored extract:

Decades had passed since [Hammond’s] darling wife, Wanda, was taken from him by way of a bout of malaria, brought on by a mosquito bite. He wanted her back—but after years of botched cloning experiments, he knew it would never work. […]

CRACK!

The lightning flashed across the sky, lighting up the room, almost blinding Hammond. As his eyes adjusted, he saw it there in front of him—a majestic, mastadonic brachiosaurus head, inches away from the glass. […] Hammond’s heart was racing, he hadn't felt this alive in years. He could feel the blood pumping to organs not used in almost 2 decades. His throbbing [CUT CUT CUT]

The gigantic beast gazed at the bulge in Hammond’s PJs and licked her lips. “Look,” whispered Hammond, “How do you like that—a living biological attraction so astounding that it'll capture the imagination of the entire planet!” He laughed maniacally as the thunder crackled outside. He walked seductively to the sliding door and unlocked it, then took a few steps back. He looked into the monster’s eye and winked. “Come and get it, big girl.” [CUT CUT CUT]

He gazed into her eyes lovingly for what seemed like an age, stroking her long snout. He whispered gently “Thank you”. The beast looked back approvingly. Suddenly, John become more animated—he had noticed something.

“W...Wanda?”

A single tear dropped from the dino’s left eye.

“Wanda! My love! It IS you!”

The cloning experiments HAD worked. She was back. It didn’t matter to John that she was now 150ft tall and 90% dinosaur DNA—he was no longer alone. Wanda gazed at him with that look he remembered all so well from many years ago. [CUT CUT CUT] He paused for a moment and looked upon his enormous cloned dino-wife and as the wind and rain battered his craggy, haggard face, he took a deep breath in, licked his lips and stepped into the night whispering, “Welcome... to Jurassic Park”.

Matt Skinner, Hammond-fisted

“Toe Reading is based on the theory that your body holographically records the story of your life. The position and shape of the toes say a lot about their owner. By observing someone’s toes you will know a great deal about their past and the experiences they have lived through. Toes reveal how a person copes with their feelings, as well as their thoughts.

“An experienced Toe Reader knows toes tell the truth, even when the person themselves may not even be aware of how deeply their life experience has effected them. An over-simplification of this technology would be to say that well-balanced people have beautiful, evenly shaped and spaced toes. The toes of people who have had more challenging lives will appear ‘toe-tied’, depicting the lumps and bumps of the personal and emotional lives they have lived up to this point in time.

“For the most personalized results we invite you to send us a picture of your toes and arrange a time to connect via telephone for a one-on-one personal Spiritual Coaching session.

“Toe Reading Cards are also available.”

No, really.



As the caption to the above photo says, “It’s hard to concentrate after you’ve been punched in the head”.

Thanks to flaneurette for this. She happened across it the other morning; I found her helpless with laughter in front of it. Did the presenters know? They must have known. Although the most unfortunate stages are over by the time the thing is fully painted, I found I still needed the closure of the wobbly eyes being put on for the wrongness to entirely subside. Now it’s a damn bookworm.

The National Organisation for the Treatment of Abusers is “committed to the prevention of sexual abuse by influencing policy and by promoting and supporting effective interventions primarily with people who sexually abuse”. This is admirable and difficult work they’re doing, working with perpetrators of terrible abuses in the interests of potential victims.

None of which quite explains this ( Powerpoint presentation )

“77 Testicular Imprints is the most recent in a series of projects in which Guagnini presents a multiple of the number 7 as the fundamental element used in combination with an intervention in publications and other ephemeral printed matter. 77 Testicular Imprints consists of 77 paintings, along with a limited edition of 16 cloth-bound books with a unique oil imprint on each cover, and a trade edition bound in wrappers.

“The paintings were produced with oil paint applied directly to the artist’s testicles and imprinted on various bound and ephemeral printed matter including: mainstream magazines such as Time and Life; art market staples such as Artforum, Art in America and Art News; exhibition and auction catalogues; rare magazines and artists’ books; personal letters; and lastly, on an assortment of original artworks, poems and studio notes by Vito Acconci, Simon Bedwell, Alejandro Cesarco and Dan Graham.

“Many of the imprinted items are valuable and integrate within a niche market; they can be read as originally intended and also collected as precious objects. In the act of transforming them into paintings, Guagnini suspends their original use value by altering their commodity of exchange through an act of artistic intervention. They can no longer be handled. Adding to this transformation, Guagnini has further imposed a new meaning to the material by excerpting a portion of text from within and pairing it with its cover. Thus the pictorial act of imprinting and bodily appropriation functions simultaneously as signature and editorial.

“Like Marcel Broodthaers’ eagles, the testicular imprints also delineate a critical archive, acting like stamps of inclusion. What Guagnini establishes through this process are the relationships between Patriarchy, Private Property, Power, Progress, Position, Packaging and Personality in twentieth-century art production. The geniuses that shaped the century—Picasso, Duchamp, Joyce, and le Corbusier—are paraded alongside Hitler, Stalin, Mao, and the atomic attack on Hiroshima. Minimalism, Postminimalism, Conceptual art, Abstract Expressionism, Experimental film, Lettrism, Situationism, and other significant outgrowths are integrated, illustrating their instrumentality in becoming history.

“Guagnini’s selection of texts is visually married to their sources to create a meta-narrative; they establish a fragmentary relationship with the object from which they were removed. The placement, color and materiality of the oil imprints cohere into a precise critical and aesthetic statement about the images on which they intervene. In certain instances they are placed in a complimentary position with the image, at other times they obliterate specific parts of the image or text, generating new and often unexpected meanings.”