KitKat

Mar. 15th, 2006 09:58 am
webofevil: (Default)
[personal profile] webofevil
Last night I joined the select band of people who have enjoyed the exquisite pleasures of a waferless Kit-Kat. Don’t get me wrong—if they brought out an official waferless Kit-Kat tomorrow no-one would be the slightest bit excited. It’s not that good. It’s only the rarity, the almost forbidden-fruit quality, and the puzzling questions it briefly raises about how Kit-Kats are made in the first place that give them their star quality, although I also choose to believe it means I’ll now have seven years’ good luck.

But raise those questions it did, and, some brief research later, I had had them answered: Kit-Kat wafers are fired at enormous velocity into huge vehicle-mounted vertical panels of chocolate. It’s no surprise, therefore, that sometimes a wafer will miss.




It also turns out that, intent on not being outdone by Nestlé, Mars Inc. spent the 1980s concentrating on research and development, with impressive results:

  

Date: 2006-03-15 11:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chiller.livejournal.com
Maltesers are almost perfectly spherical, yet at the point of creation they are covered with melted chocolate. Why do they not have a flat bit on the bottom, where they rested after or during the melted-chocolate-adding bit of the job? If they were suspended using air jets, the chocolate would ripple. I have conducted experiments to answer this question using air-jets, rolling-while-adding-chocolate; adding-chocolate-before-plunging-into-cold-water[1] and all sorts of other things.

EH?

My tentative conclusion is that each Malteser is individually polished by gnomes.

[1] as we all know: this is impossible. We have all had a Malteser at some point which was incompletely covered with chocolate and yet whose honeycomb centre was in no way affected. Contact with water would cause instant core meltdown.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-15 01:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chiller.livejournal.com
I KNEW IT.

Not the Archimedean Screw bit (although: nice thinking). I mean I knew the gnomes smoked, the little bastards.
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-15 01:32 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chiller.livejournal.com
It's wrong if that turns me on, isn't it?
(deleted comment)

Date: 2006-03-15 01:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] chiller.livejournal.com
Oops.

It's just the cigarettes, I swear. I don't have a thing for chocolatey gnomes.

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