(no subject)

"Ladies and gentlemen, we will shortly be landing into London Heathrow Airport," announces the stewardess, worryingly. She's a native English speaker, which makes it even more sinister. After we've landed safely, some of us spot a large plume of smoke in the distance, either on a runway or in a nearby field. It isn't clear whether this was also an attempt to land into Heathrow.


I don't speak German, but, based on intonation and body language, here is an exchange I think I witnessed at Oslo airport yesterday:

German person #1: Hey, German person #2, look! Our flight is cancelled!
German person #2: What? Cancelled? Jesus, really? No! What?
German person #1: Ha ha, not really! Look closer at the flight screen. Our flight is not cancelled at all.
German person #2: I see that you have played a joke on me, German person #1. This displeases me.
German person #1: Ha ha ha!

I know the cliché has it that it's men who refuse all medicine when afflicted: stoic, unflinching, and refusing, frankly, to make a fuss. In my experience, however, the majority of people guilty of this are women, a position reinforced yesterday by a girl on the plane who coughed and choked for nearly fifteen minutes, refusing all offers of help and pats on the back from her worried friend. "I'm fine," she would gasp in Norwegian, before launching into another barrage of ear-splitting coughs that would nearly, but not quite, dislodge whatever it was in her oesophagus that was trying to kill her. "Really, I'm all right," she insisted weakly, in the face of all the evidence. Honestly, just bloody accept the help you're given, people.

Djevelsk godt gift

1. Yes, there is a place called Hell in Norway. It's just outside Trondheim, and it means something like "bend in river".

2. "Gods expedition" means "Goods Departures". Yes, the sign is real. Everyone who speaks English and passes through Hell station has their picture taken under that sign, including me when I was about 20. Of course I did.

3. The picture is of Englishman John Fryer and his new Norwegian wife, who were married at Hell station yesterday, 06.06.06, by a Catholic priest.

4. The headline, in a proud tradition of shit tabloid writing that transcends all languages and borders, is "A devilishly good wedding".

Gourmet processed potato

Gourmands! Sigh and fret in impatience no more! Pringles have unleashed their Pringles Gourmet range, and it’s coming your way!



I tried them in Norway. If you already don’t like Pringles, these “special” ones won’t change your mind. If you do, you’ll find yourself thinking, “Oh. Here are some new kinds of Pringles, apart from the salt and pepper ones, which are pretty much like the existing salt and pepper ones”. In fact the only thing in this product’s favour is that it can’t possibly disappoint, unless you’re the kind of person easily led astray by the inclusion on packaging of words like “quality”, “value” or, as here, “exquisite”.

(no subject)

Trying to find a better quality version of this picture,

I came across the website for London's DJ Prince Charles:

Do you think DJ Prince Charles knows about the potential confusion with the other Prince Charles? Should someone tell him?

(no subject)

Lioness in zoo kills man who invoked God

A man shouting that God would keep him safe was mauled to death by a lioness in Kiev zoo after he crept into the animal's enclosure, a zoo official said on Monday.

“The man shouted ‘God will save me, if he exists’, lowered himself by a rope into the enclosure, took his shoes off and went up to the lions,” the official said.

“A lioness went straight for him, knocked him down and severed his carotid artery.”

The incident, Sunday evening when the zoo was packed with visitors, was the first of its kind at the attraction.