I won´t be telling this one in the pub

My sister, her husband and I went round to their friends’ house for dinner last night. These friends have two young daughters, the younger of whom, when she was four, told the other kids in her kindergarten to sit down and listen because she was going to give them a lecture. She then told them all how to masturbate. She had discovered that by standing a certain way and leaning forward—"like a gun-dog", said her dad—she could successfully get herself off, and now she was explaining to all the other, fascinated four-year-olds how they could also achieve this and why it was a good idea. The first her parents knew about it was when they got a call from her kindergarten teacher, which began: "You’ll never guess what we’ve all just been given a lecture about." Her mother asked her about it that night. "It’s like... walking up a hill and then walking down it again," said her daughter. "No, wait, no... it’s like walking through a field full of tall grass. No, no... it’s like your face being stroked by the wing of a butterfly."

(This little girl’s first words ever: "Look! Look! Ice cream!")