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Amazing new medical discovery
Aug. 30th, 2007 01:10 pmI’m very excited about the Government’s impending announcement. I presume they’re waiting until the party conference season or maybe the next parliamentary session, so that it can form part of the torrent of Good News that will be designed to sweep Gordon to power in an election of his very own. To be fair, though, it is fantastic news: in a major scientific breakthrough, their people have discovered an entirely new way to stop blood loss. They’re keeping it very quiet at the moment—and who wouldn’t, with such a scoop?—but they’re dropping the odd clue. Here, for example, they brush off criticism from some idiot of their big plans for the NHS:
According to the health kaiser, that’s because these days paramedics carry better drugs and are better trained in resuscitating people, but he obviously doesn’t expect anyone to believe that that alone will have enough of an impact. Once the health cuts are waved through, many people in the UK will be far too far from A&E and maternity units for anyone suffering massive blood loss to be transported there safely. No, the Government clearly have an amazing new safe blood-clotting product up their collective sleeve, and are just biding their time till they blow our minds with it. Because the only other alternative is that they would actively put our lives at risk to save money, and we all know that no-one in Whitehall is enough of a robot or a complacent buffoon to contemplate that.
On Monday I was at the Worthing Carnival, of which the Notting Hill effort is but a pale shadow. The campaign to for the love of God stop fucking about with Worthing hospital was taking part, with sundry hospital staff collecting money along the route and handing out filthy socialist propaganda along the lines of “how about we don’t close our casualty unit”. My mother was one of them—32 years living in Worthing and she finally gets to take part in the carnival—and she rang me, giggling, from the start of the procession to tell me that the Secrets lingerie models, who have appeared here before, had also turned up to help raise money for the campaign, dressed as nurses. The disparity between them and the real medical staff was what was making her laugh. See if you can spot who are which.
A&E CLOSURES ‘PUT LIVES AT RISK’
Researchers said it was time to debate the merits of big regional units after finding the risk of death went up with each mile travelled for urgent care.
The Emergency Medicine Journal research involved 10,000 cases in four ambulance services between 1997 and 2001.
But a government health tsar dismissed the study as outdated and irrelevant. [Source: BBC]
According to the health kaiser, that’s because these days paramedics carry better drugs and are better trained in resuscitating people, but he obviously doesn’t expect anyone to believe that that alone will have enough of an impact. Once the health cuts are waved through, many people in the UK will be far too far from A&E and maternity units for anyone suffering massive blood loss to be transported there safely. No, the Government clearly have an amazing new safe blood-clotting product up their collective sleeve, and are just biding their time till they blow our minds with it. Because the only other alternative is that they would actively put our lives at risk to save money, and we all know that no-one in Whitehall is enough of a robot or a complacent buffoon to contemplate that. On Monday I was at the Worthing Carnival, of which the Notting Hill effort is but a pale shadow. The campaign to for the love of God stop fucking about with Worthing hospital was taking part, with sundry hospital staff collecting money along the route and handing out filthy socialist propaganda along the lines of “how about we don’t close our casualty unit”. My mother was one of them—32 years living in Worthing and she finally gets to take part in the carnival—and she rang me, giggling, from the start of the procession to tell me that the Secrets lingerie models, who have appeared here before, had also turned up to help raise money for the campaign, dressed as nurses. The disparity between them and the real medical staff was what was making her laugh. See if you can spot who are which.
