(no subject)

Later in life, lack of integrity was one of the things I would most look for in pop records and pop people. Van Morrison really means it, Kylie probably doesn’t. Who would you rather go canal boating with?

Stuart Maconie, Cider With Roadies

Maconie’s book is great. Anyone unaware of his radio work who only knows him from his appearances as a wittering head on ‘Top 500 Cheap Programme Ideas’ might understandably think it compulsory to brain him with a fire extinguisher on sight. This book is a useful reminder of why they shouldn’t.

From the vaults

I was able to persuade the very nice legal lady at Polygram (where I was temping at the time) to let me copy the following letter only by promising that I would blank out the complainant’s name and details on the photocopy. This I did, and as a result I now genuinely don’t know who he was. (Formatting preserved from the original.)

October 12 1998

Mr Lionel Richie
Polygram Records (UK) Ltd
Polygram Records Inc
Mercury Records (UK) Ltd
Mercury Records Inc
Virgin Entertainment/Megastores

Re: Compensation claim with regards to the “Lionel Richie time” Album

Dear Mr. Richie

I happen to be the founder of various media ventures around the world, one of which is [deleted] in Turkey and many other TV and Radio stations. I am also a big fan of “Lionel Richie”. Before I went to spend summer holidays in my house in St-Tropez last July, I bought the “time” album amongst other albums from the Virgin Megastore on King’s Road, London.

I then gave a private party in my house in St-Tropez; an exclusive “Lionel Richie” night and invited many other Lionel Richie fans. And we were all shocked with the “time” album which caused a big disaster. The CD cover which is printed “Lionel Richie time” and the CD itself which is printed “Lionel Richie time” is no where near Lionel Richie. A heavy metal music is recorded instead of the “Lionel Richie time Album” on the Lionel Richie CD by mistake I presume. So, when you play the CD it is not actually Lionel Richie, but a heavy metal music playing on the CD. It says Lionel Richie on the cover and on the CD itself but when you listen to it, it is not Lionel Richie.

And you can imagine the effect it had on all of us in the Party. This was a big disaster affecting all of us, especially me. It destroyed the evening where everybody came for a special night out with Lionel Richie and his latest album. I have suffered psychologically and financially because of a negligence on the part of all the parties concerned.

Under the circumstances, I am obliged to claim damages and ask compensation from all the parties concerned and I have notified my lawyers accordingly. I should expect to hear your views on the subject if you would care to settle the matter privately.

Sincerely,

[deleted]

cc: Farrer & Co, Lincoln’s Inn Fields, London WC2A

He didn’t receive any compensation.