(no subject)

[webofevil]

Dear Diary,

Today I received a letter from a stranger! I felt as though the sender’s unfamiliar name were challenging me as I gazed upon it; “Open me,” it seemed to say, “and feel the thrill of the unknown.” I did not do so at once, however; instead, I went for a short constitutional, deliberately postponing the moment. I felt my cheeks burn as I thought of nothing but the uninvited communication awaiting my return. At last I could fight the urge no longer, and ran the last few yards back to the house. With trembling fingers I set to opening my mail. What illicit treasure, what undreamed prizes, lay within? What wonderful adventures might be set in train by its contents? My heart aflame, I began to read:

From: Silas Hendrix

Penis Enlarge Patch will give you a shocking magnitude.

Penis Enlarge Patch will make you dick so large you will be able to park a car on it.

---

While we’re at it, “Gerald Q. Thomas” has written in to let me know that:

Great sex? It is probable!

Comments

[uniquefergus.livejournal.com]

The report by Lord Holmes (1988) into the use of genitalia in public performance is most instructive in this matter. That report recommends that the performance would be considered public if more than one person was in attendance (and being charged a fee to attend) or if more than six were gathered, and no fee was being levied. Those six would include passengers in the vehicle, unless a) they were employees of Mr. Hendrix or b) were intending to subsequently or simultaneously park the vehicle on their own penises.

On your second point, there would be no impact on council tax charges providing a) the parking of the car was a one-off performance and b) Mr. Hendrix or his employees made no financial gain from charging others to park upon their penises.

However, if the parking space (and penis) were to be used to store motor vehicles, there would indeed be a requirement under EU law for Mr. Hendrix to declare the space as a capital asset, and be charged accordingly.

I hope this answers your questions.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

I will read the Minister's response carefully. Can he confirm that Mr Hendrix's penis will be exempt from the smoking ban?

[uniquefergus.livejournal.com]

If Mr. Hendrix can persuade anyone to smoke that particular 'cigar' then I will be greatly surprised.