Roger Moore and the Crimefighters

[webofevil]

Bungles laughed: “Should’ve been like me, mate. Stayed a bachelor.”

“Wouldn’t change me wife and kids for anything,” answered Dick Fletcher. “They’re number one.”

“Still see ol’ Roger Moore, do they?”

“Oh yeah... taken a right shine to ‘em, he has,” said Dick. “In their dreams,” he added with sarcasm. Both men chuckled.

* * * * * * * * * *

Bill looked very serious. “Y’know what I think we ought to do, Bonnie,” he said.

“What’s that?”

“Same as Roger Moore told us. The cardinal rule.”

Bonnie nodded her head slowly. “I’ve got you. As soon as a Crimefighter realises he’s on to something criminal, no matter how small it may seem... tell the police.”

“Right!” said Bill.

* * * * * * * * * *

“You haven’t been phoning Roger Moore again, have you dear?” Mrs Compton sounded worried.

“Course I have, Mum,” said Bill. “Phoned Roger to tell him about those shoplifters we caught.”

“Oh, I wish you wouldn’t keep bothering this Mr Moore. He must be a very busy man,” answered his mother.

“He doesn’t mind at all, Mum. Ol’ Roger Moore’s a smashing bloke. And, after all, he is the president of the Crimefighters club.”

Mr Compton finished his coffee and stood up. He pulled on his jacket, adjusted his tie and kissed his wife on the cheek. “Don’t worry, Joan. I was with the children when they first met Roger Moore at the BBC Television Centre. I’m sure he’s only too pleased to help.” [...] And with a cheery wave to his son and a final loving kiss to his wife, Mr Compton went off to work.

“Do you believe I know Roger Moore, Mum?” asked Bill, trying to balance the 50p his father had given him on its edge on the table.

“You do mean the Roger Moore you keep phoning. Not the Roger Moore, the famous film star?” asked Mrs Compton.

“They’re one and the same person, Mum.”

“Really?” Mrs Compton’s eyes twinkled.

“Yes!” Bill frowned. “Here! You do believe me, don’t you?”

His mother smiled indulgently. “Of course I do, dear,” she said loyally. “I expect you know lots of film stars.”

“Woweee.” Bill cupped his chin in his hands, elbows on the table, and looked up at the ceiling with exasperation.

* * * * * * * * * *

Roger Moore filled up the glasses of the Crimefighters with Coke. He’d just returned from filming abroad and looked lean, fit and tanned.

“I reckon the Mafia had better watch out,” he smiled as he handed out the drinks. “It seems the Crimefighters are a force to be reckoned with.” He straddled a Chippendale char and frowned. “Though I still don’t quite understand Blue’s reason for dressing up as an old, useless woman.”

“Well, it was hard to work out at first,” said Bill.

“But it all worked out when we thought about it,” chipped in Bonnie. [Lengthy explanation cut here.] “Then he was going to get away from the yard, take off his ‘old woman’ disguise and disappear.”

Roger smiled: “And the Crimefighters thwarted his plans, eh?”

“Yes... and he had to carry on with his role of Princess to keep everything authentic. And to stop us getting suspicious of his true intention.”

“But why did he come back for the gun he left in your hideaway?” asked Roger Moore.

“Because his fingerprints were all over it,” said Bonnie. “And would have led the police to him after they checked against the fingerprints of Ronnie Bonds held in the files of the Australian police.”

Roger sipped his drink. “And I suppose he left the gun in your hideaway in the first place, intending to get it back after all the hubbub died down.”

“That’s exactly what he did,” said Bill. “And the Crimefighters were waiting for him.”

“Bravo Crimefighters!” said Roger, raising his glass.

The two children raised their glasses of Coke. They had been through a time of danger and excitement. Violent criminals had been caught and a vicious gang of thieves smashed because of their efforts. They had good reason to be proud of themselves. But they were more proud of the man who had helped them to form the Crimefighters club.

“Bravo, Roger Moore,” said Bill and Bonnie. “And here’s to the next adventure!”

* * * * * * * * * *

From the copyright page: With the exception of Roger Moore, all characters in this book are fictitious; and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Comments

[chiller.livejournal.com]

Oh gosh, I had the WORLD'S BIGGEST CRUSH on Roger Moore when I was six. If only I had known about this, but we didn't have a telly or anything, and I wasn't allowed to listen to the radio.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

I don't know how well publicised the "Roger Moore and the Crimefighters" books were, but the whole point of it was that all profits went to charity, which at least makes the whole endeavour slightly less insane.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

Obv he is what George Clooney later modeled himself on.

[psychonomy.livejournal.com]

It would be better if the words ROGER MOORE were always in caps. And courier. I had a book like that once, in which I saved the world with a peanut butter sandwich.

I love the way ROGER MOORE straddles his Chippendale, by the way. And that was before I noticed the typo.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Arse. Typo is mine, not the book's.