webofevil | MI6 mice

I found John Bidde in his 12th-floor office chuckling to himself. He was analysing a plan proposed by Technical and Operations Support to bug the penthouse flat of a suspected Russian [intelligence] officer in Lisbon. One of the Lisbon station secretaries had rented the flat three stories below in the same ancient, rickety apartment block and TOS proposed to use this as a base for the recording equipment. They had identified a means of breaking into the loft above the target’s flat, and reckoned that it would be easy to find a suitable place to mount and hide a small microphone. Unfortunately, for technical reasons, it would not be possible to link the microphone and recording equipment with the normal radiolink and they would need to be physically connected with a fine wire, running from the loft to the secretary’s flat below. The only means of hiding it from view was to thread it down a convoluted drainpipe which wound its way down the building.

After experimenting with various mechanical crawling devices which had all proved unable to work their way down the pipes, TOS had hit upon the idea of using a mouse. They reckoned that by leaning out of one of the loft skylights under cover of darkness, using a fishing rod, they could dangle the mouse, harnessed to the end of the fishing line, into the top end of the drainpipe. They would then lower it down the vertical section of the pipe to the first right-angled bend. From there the mouse could scurry along the horizontal part of the pipe to the next vertical section and so on, down to the bottom of the pipe where it could be recaptured. The wire could then be attached to the fishing line and pulled through the pipe.

Clandestine night-time trials of the murine delivery system on the Century House drainpipes, using three white mice borrowed from the chemical and biological weapons research establishment at Porton Down, proved reasonably successful. One mouse, nicknamed Micky, was a natural and scampered along the pipes enthusiastically. A second, Tricky, occasionally tried to climb back up the fishing line when dangled, but once in the pipe was reasonably competent. The last mouse, christened Thicky, had kept trying to climb back up the pipes and so had been sent back to Porton Down to continue his secret work on chemical-weapons antidotes. Micky and reserve Tricky were to fly covertly to Portugal in [an RAF] Hercules because they could not be overtly taken out of the country without special export licences.

Bidde’s dilemma was whether it was ethically correct to recruit animals to use in spying operations. “Thicky is probably lying bleary-eyed at the bottom of a jamjar by now,” giggled Bidde, and the fate of Micky and Tricky is less unpleasant, so I guess it is ethical.” He squiggled an approval at the bottom of the minute and placed it in his burgeoning out-tray. I later learnt that Micky and Tricky carried out their mission successfully, were returned to the UK in the C-130, given an honourable discharge from duties at Porton Down, and went into comfortable retirement in a TOS secretary’s London flat. The fate of Thicky remains a state secret.

Richard Tomlinson, The Big Breach