Patrick Pakenham

From the Telegraph:

Patrick Pakenham (1937-2005) became something of a legal legend. During one appearance before an unpopular judge a bag of cannabis was produced as evidence. The judge opened the package, chewed the contents and announced: “Yes, yes, of course that is cannabis. Where was the substance found, Mr Pakenham?” The reply came swiftly, if inaccurately: “In the defendant’s anus, my Lord.”

His final appearance was as defence counsel in a complicated fraud case. “Members of the jury,” he began after a well-oiled lunch, “it is my duty to explain the facts in this case... unfortunately, for reasons which I won’t go into now, my grasp of the facts is not as it might be and the judge is nearing senility. While, by the look of you, the possibility of your reaching a coherent verdict can be excluded.” He was led from the court.