Seasonal tale

Three times in the last ten years or so, Lewisham Theatre has put on a subsidised Christmas production of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Each time the theatre has hired the exact same dwarf performers, to the dismay of the borough council, who know that they’re going to have to try and organise accommodation for seven notorious hellraisers. According to an unnamed person, it’s not unknown for them to be thrown out of a hotel after just one night, due to TVs being thrown from windows or prostitutes being discovered in their rooms.

I still think that, rather than dreading this situation, the council should embrace it. “See why they call him Sneezy!” “You’ll believe a man can pass out on smack!” “They're out of their fucking gourds and NO WOODLAND CREATURE IS SAFE!” Due to some mush about “the kids”, however, my suggestion got short shrift. Still, shrift. Who needs it? Shrift, schmrift.