webofevil | Monopoly

Some way into Saturday’s Monopoly-based pub crawl* a group of us are approached by a 19-year-old girl who has broken away from her mates to say the following: “Can I ask you something? Are you coppers?”

We’re four men, one woman, all between 25 and 34 and wearing dark coats or jackets, drinking half pints or spirits, some of which are spat out in surprise. “Only,” she goes on, “you look like undercover policemen. It’s all right,” she reassures us as we begin to protest, “my dad’s a policeman, so I know all the procedures.”

“We’re not bloody policemen,” says one of our number, down for the weekend from Yorkshire.

“Oh, okay,” she says, unconvinced. “But you, you’re Scottish, right?”

“I’m from Yorkshire!” he splutters.

“Yeah, but Yorkshire’s in Scotland, innit?” she says, puzzled.

He won’t talk to her any more. I’m keen to continue this, as her internal random comment generator seems promisingly productive, but I’m dragged off and out to the next pub.

* We didn’t do too badly: Old Kent Road, Whitechapel, Fenchurch Street, Liverpool Street, Angel, Pentonville Road, Kings Cross, Euston, Marylebone, Park Lane, Mayfair, Vine Street(ish), Bond Street(ish), Regent Street, Great Marlborough Street, Piccadilly, Pall Mall. Then we stopped, ate and went home, because frankly it was getting ridiculous.