Great conspiracy theories #401

[webofevil]

Photocopied sign in an empty shop window in the middle of Swindon:

Did the MASONS destroy Swindon's youth centre?

Where did all the money go?

Comments

[ex-cornfedpi814.livejournal.com]

I blame Ken Livingstone. And his newts.

[keithlard.livejournal.com]

I think Mel Gibson's been out on a drunken photocopying rampage again.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Why do you think there are three K's in "KallKwiK"?

[pipistrellus.livejournal.com]

Why the hell were you in Swindon?

[chiller.livejournal.com]

I was going to ask this. You poor soul.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Lending moral support to a friend who's going through family court nightmares. I know I'm pretty quick to scathe about UK towns, castigating them for their uniformity, their bleakness and their lack of anything to do, but, by God, Swindon wipes the floor with many of them. Then wrings itself into a bucket and drinks it.

And, and, I know everyone who's been there knows about it, but if you haven't, get this:



Which still doesn't entirely prepare you for this:



Possibly UK town planning's greatest triumph.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

OMG *flashback* I've done that roundabout with my X-H. I can remember whispering "Oh god! Fuck!" all the way round it, with my head between my knees.

Not in THAT way.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Though it would certainly take your mind off the traffic.

[ex-cornfedpi814.livejournal.com]

Is the roundabout in fact magic?

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Some people are said to have made it to the middle, and then have never been seen again.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

No. No, really, it wouldn't.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Damn. There go my plans for a romantic weekend away.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

I don't think a thermonuclear blast could take my mind off the horror that is that roundabout system.

Mind you, I am completely road-phobic. I'm sure most ladiezzz would be massively distracted by the sight of their own knickers.

Or... nnnot. Maybe.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Surely one gets used to the sight of one's own knickers after a while.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

It depends where you see them.

One's own knickers are only not surprising in a very limited set of contexts. In all other contexts they're incredibly surprising.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

I sense a semiotics essay brewing.

[chiller.livejournal.com]

"On Pants"

[chiller.livejournal.com]

I am seriously having flashbacks to that damn thing. I remember X-H saying "Oh, f*ck THIS" at one point (bear in mind my X-H had the gentle temperament of Gordon Ramsay, if Gordon Ramsay were wearing particularly tight and itchy pants), and just driving straight over three of the little roundabouts on the perimeter.

ka-bump! ump! ump!

*quiet non-vocal screaming from passenger seat*

What gets me is why, no, really WHY, WHYYYY did they do it? There are only five exits. Why not put in a single roundabout with five exits?

[moleintheground.livejournal.com]

Go along in the middle of the night and write 'YES' on it in gold pen. Whoever wrote it will be very pleased.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Actually, I would, but it would mean returning to Swindon, and wild horses, etc.