Hogwash

[webofevil]

A rounds of applause for the Canadian parliament of the 1970s. This isn't the first time I've stumbled across one of their ill-tempered exchanges preserved in their unblushing version of Hansard, but it is the first time I've remembered to reproduce any of it here. A great deal of the archaic and undue deference that persists in the Lords like a bad smell would swiftly evaporate if noble Lords regularly addressed each other like this:

31 May 1976

AN HON. MEMBER: We need a responsible opposition.

MR. LAUK: You know, Mr. Speaker, I'm delighted indeed that there is at least a slight stirring of the sleepy minister over there, with respect to Public Works. It's been nigh unto five months now that our minister over in the corner - the minister from the Cariboo - has been dozing off from time to time.

AN HON. MEMBER: You've been asleep for three and a half years.

MR. LAUK: In the spirit of good sportsmanship that has characterized this government since it's taken office, he commissioned an investigation of the Block 51-61-71 complex in the city of Vancouver of one Dr. Gordon Shrum in the spirit of co-operation and so on which has characterized this government, one of vindictiveness and revenge. He commissioned Dr. Shrum to report back on the tremendous bollocks that was represented by this complex that originated so many years ago.

Interjections.

MR. LAUK: The report came down, and what did Dr. Gordon Shrum, one of the most distinguished British Columbians, say about the design of the NDP administration, about this fantastic new complex which will bring amenities to the downtown centre of the city of Vancouver?

AN HON. MEMBER: "Sell that one."

MR. LAUK: He said "The concept and design is magnificent" - $275 a day to Dr. Shrum to tell us the concept and the design is "magnificent."

Interjections.

MR. LAUK: The Minister of Public Works and the Minister of Highways remind me of the coyote and the roadrunner ...

AN HON. MEMBER: That's "coyote."

MR. LAUK: ... the coyote, or as they would say in Quebec, "monsieur le coyote."

DEPUTY SPEAKER: Order, please, hon. members.

[A short while later]

MR. LAUK: Obviously the ministers of the Crown, particularly those with legal backgrounds, such as the Minister of Consumer Services (Hon. Mr. Hair), the Minister of Labour (Hon. Mr. Williams) and the Attorney-General (Hon. Mr. Gardom), haven't read the bill. You know why, Mr. Speaker? Because there are sections of the bill that are so sloppily and shabbily drafted that they are illegal.

MR. G.H. KERSTER (Coquitlam): Wash your mouth out with soap!

MR. LAUK: They're totally illegal on the face of them, and maybe the Consumer Services minister who is notoriously, constantly and continuously underemployed, can look at page 2, section 4 (3) , and it will occupy his time while I'm speaking. When he's finished that assignment I'll have another one - as soon as he's completed it. [...]

MR. KERSTER: Garbage!

MR. LEA: It's not garbage! If you want to find out, call out the government agent in the courthouse in Prince Rupert. Don't be so stupid! You don't even know what I'm talking about, and you're yapping.

MR. KERSTER: Point of order, Mr. Speaker. I would ask the member for Prince Rupert to withdraw the word "stupid."

MR. LAUK: He said: "Don't be stupid." He never said you were.

MR. SPEAKER: Hon. Member, did the hon. member for Prince Rupert, in using that word, in any way apply it to the member for Coquitlam?

MR. LEA: Of course not, Mr. Speaker.

MR. SPEAKER: In that case, proceed.

[Mere minutes later]

HON. MR FRASER: This was a commitment of the prior government, and no provision was made whatsoever for the funding. That's what this bill does - fund that.

MR. LAUK: Nonsense!

HON. MR. FRASER: Well, there was absolutely no provision made by them, and this provides for that. If this had not happened, these structures would have had to cease. In the downtown Vancouver building, as an example, $25 million was...

MR. LAUK: Hogwash!

HON. MR. FRASER: ... in there when we took power - a big hole in the ground, full of concrete and pipes. I don't think this House wanted to see that happen [...] The payment of taxes by provincial governments would not come through this portfolio at all. I believe it would come through the portfolio of the Minister of Finance.

Interjections.

HON. MR. FRASER: If that does happen, this bill provides that that could happen, that provincial taxes would be paid.

MR. WALLACE: Oh, it's worse than I thought.

MR. LAUK: Rotate.

HON. MR. FRASER: I think that we've had enough on this bill, Mr. Speaker, (laughter) and I move that the bill be referred to Committee of the Whole House to be considered at the next sitting after today.

MR. GIBSON: It hasn't had second reading yet, Alex.

MR. SPEAKER: One moment, Hon. Minister, would you move that the bill be read a second time now, so we can get that motion first?

HON. MR. FRASER: I move that the bill be read a second time now.

[They all trudge through the lobbies to vote on this bit of procedure. Then, immediately afterwards:]

CONSTITUTION AMENDMENT ACT, 1976

MR. W.S. KING (Leader of the Opposition): If I may, I would move adjournment of the debate on behalf of my colleague for Alberni (Mr. Skelly), Mr. Speaker.

SOME HON. MEMBERS: No!

Interjections.

MR. KING: The Provincial Secretary's (Hon. Mrs. McCarthy) not even here. It's her bill.

Interjections.

MR. SPEAKER: One moment, please.

MR. LAUK: Disgraceful, iron-heeled government!

MR. NICOLSON: Skippy-dipper! (Laughter.)

MR. SPEAKER: Second reading of Bill 15 has been called.

And so they plough on, despite the mayhem. What I love about the "hang on, Alex, you haven't moved the Bill yet" moment is that that sort of thing goes on in our big building with the clock by the river all the damn time, but it would never even occur to anyone to put it in the Official Report.

Comments

[nudejournal.livejournal.com]

Even better if you picture it with South Park canadians.

[internetsdairy.livejournal.com]

This is a bit cryptic:

MR. LAUK: Rotate.

Was he presenting his middle finger at the time?

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Your guess is as good as mine. Literally, in fact, as that was exactly what I guessed as well.

[addedentry.livejournal.com]

Coquitlam? I thought he was prime minister of Australia, not Canada.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Those damn Coquitlams get everywhere. Coquitlam, Coquitlam, Coquitlam, Coquitlam, that's all I ever hear, is Coquitlam.

Coquitlam.

[psychonomy.livejournal.com]

Oh, man. Thanks so much for that. If ever a job comes up at the Canadian Hansard, I'm there.

[webofevil.livejournal.com]

Intensive research has revealed that "skippy-dipper", due to the "Skippy" brand of peanut butter, is a term of abuse implying that the recipient is a homosexual.