(no subject)

INT. THE VATICAN. MORNING.

THE POPE

All right. Things are calming down. I know we’ve got Ireland to contend with, but give them a couple of decades of poverty and they’ll likely come around. The important thing is that we’ve got a lid on this thing. We’ve removed the priests who were guilty of abuse, we’ve apologised and our own people are in place to safeguard children in congregations. Yes, I think we’ve got this covered. Now all we need is time.

PAPAL SECRETARY

Your newspapers, Excellency.

THE POPE

Oh, for fuck’s sake!

CHURCH CHILD PROTECTION CHIEF CAUGHT WITH 4,000 CHILD PORN PICTURES

A child protection official for the Catholic Church has been caught with 4,000 pictures of child porn. Father-of-four Christopher Jarvis was arrested after uploading pictures of children being abused to a website.

Married Jarvis, 49, a former social worker, was employed by the church following sex scandals about pervert priests. His job was to monitor church groups to ensure paedophiles did not gain access to children in the church’s congregations. But he was caught by police in March with more than 4,000 child porn images on his home computer and his work laptop. [Mirror]