One of several reasons why my subconscious is not in charge of film promotion at any major studios

In a dream the other night I was terribly proud of having managed to track down on eBay an original Star Wars promotional artefact: an average-size black pram that had very little room for a baby as most of it was taken up with a plastic model of the Mos Eisley cantina. For some reason the model would apparently catch fire and you could then put it out with its own plastic sprinkler system, which instantly soaked the pram and anyone occupying it, although the presence of any baby seems increasingly ill-advised the more you learn about this thing.

It also came with a promo brochure for “Star Wars II” and, in what I think you'll agree is a bit of a coup, a video of the original “Star Wars” which turns out to have been a film that George shot with the same title but that lacked the ambition of his later rework. It was shot, rather beautifully, in the streets of a recognisably 1970s city on Earth that was trying to be vaguely futuristic, although even with a limited effects budget they could probably have done a little better than, for example, bombs being represented by 1920s cigar-shaped racing cars with the word “BOMB” painted on the side.

Regrettably, though, it turns out I'm just as much of an absent-minded fool in my dreams as I can be in real life. Having picked up this prize find from the guy I bought it from and shown it to psychonomy, who was duly impressed, I promptly left it behind at a cinema.

Away with the manger

The majority of Britons do not believe the Biblical story of the birth of Jesus, a survey has suggested.

Of 1,000 people questioned, 70 per cent doubted the account, according to the British Market Research Bureau. Almost a quarter of people who described themselves as Christians shared their scepticism.

St Helen’s Church in Bishopsgate, London, which commissioned the survey, has produced a film of “sound evidence” supporting the Bible’s account.

Simon Gathercole, a new testament scholar at Cambridge University, said people were sceptical because they were not aware the origins of Christianity were anchored in real history.

“Jesus was born while Augustus was emperor of Rome just before Herod died... we’re talking about events that are anchored in real history not in ancient Greek myths.” [BBC]

It should really be redundant for me to point this out, but apparently the fuck not: what Simon Gathercole seems to have done, despite being a “new testament scholar”, is confuse the issue of the apparent existence of a historical Jesus with people’s heartening reluctance to accept that he was born by MAGIC.

Here are a couple of other beliefs regarding Christ’s conception that we, as a nation, disgracefully do not propagate at this time of year.

During the early centuries of Christendom, it was widely held that Christ had been born by emerging either through Mary’s breast or navel in order to avoid contact with what the Germans call to this very day “the parts of shame”. So widespread did this belief become that a book was written by Ratramnus attempting to prove that Christ had indeed been born though the normal channels. […]

It was, of course, difficult for many to accept the notion that Mary could have been impregnated by the Holy Ghost and still remain a virgin. The myth obtained that she had been impregnated through the ear. In some early paintings the Holy Ghost, in the form of a dove, is seen descending with the sperm in its bill. Still another painting shows a lily through which the seminal words pass before entering Mary’s ear.

[Ben Edward Akerley, The X-Rated Bible]

Honestly, it’s almost as if we don’t want to believe.

(no subject)

[Text and picture lifted from A Mountain Dweller in the Thames Valley.]

Another example of subliminal images made a politico-media scandal after the 1988 presidential elections in France. François Mitterrand was elected for the second time in a row, and some experts identified some puzzling images on the state-owned channel Antenne 2 (now named France 2). The introduction of the news programme was an animated three-dimensional “a2” rotating in the air until the speaker was on screen. A careful look at this 3D animation revealed that a face which could well be Mitterrand’s was blended into the metallic texture of the number.



When you know that a) regulations forbid subliminal images, b) candidates are due equal speech time and c) Mitterrand was said to have a harsh hand on the media, especially on national TV, you can easily conclude, as many did, that the image was not there by chance.