(no subject)

Last night Lord Taverne instigated a debate on “Population Growth in Africa”. I missed his opening speech, so I don’t know if he’s for it or against, or what he’s offering to do about it either way.

I was, however, in the chamber when Baroness Tonge, talking about the disastrous lack of availability of contraception, said that condoms have “an availability in Africa of between 1 and 4 per man per annum. I suggest that that would not be adequate even in this House.” She realised at once that this was probably not the happiest comparison she could have made, partly because the subject was immediately rendered comical and everyone in the chamber started laughing, but mainly because it’s rare that a speaker instantly floods the minds of everyone present with quite so many images they would pay to have erased from their brains. “Sorry,” she added.

Rick Santorum and the Eye of Mordor

This article (and thanks to spyinthehaus for spotting it) is lifted wholesale from salon.com. In keeping with their “sponsored day-pass” policy, please stare at a nearby advert for thirty seconds before reading it.

( “As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else,” Senator Santorum said. “It’s being drawn to Iraq and it’s not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States.” )

That's meant to be an eye?

(no subject)

Zimbabwe, ruled by one of Africa's stand-out deranged dictators—in a pretty crowded field—is in a dire situation when it comes to food; it probably won't be able to feed half its population by the end of the year. In one of the greatest excuses ever proffered by anyone for anything ever, the Agriculture Minister announced to the Zimbabwe parliament last month that the country's agriculture crisis is due to a monkey.

( “Our investigations have shown that a monkey caused damage to a transformer, thereby sabotaging our preparations for the coming season. If it was not for that monkey, the situation was not going to be as bad.” )