Hereditaries

“I miss the hereditaries,” a policeman told me. “Honest, one of ‘em come up to me once and said, ‘What year is it?’

“I was born in Brighton so sometimes the lads call me ‘Inbreed’,” he went on. “So one of the hereditaries hears ‘em say it and comes over. ‘Were your parents related, then?’ he says. ‘No,’ I say. ‘Oh,’ he says, ‘mine were!’ First cousins and that. He goes, ‘I’ll have a word with that officer.’ ‘No, they was only joking,’ I say. ‘Well, they shouldn’t,’ he says. ‘My parents were related and I’m all right.’”

(no subject)

Dear Diary,

Today I received a letter from a stranger! I felt as though the sender’s unfamiliar name were challenging me as I gazed upon it; “Open me,” it seemed to say, “and feel the thrill of the unknown.” I did not do so at once, however; instead, I went for a short constitutional, deliberately postponing the moment. I felt my cheeks burn as I thought of nothing but the uninvited communication awaiting my return. At last I could fight the urge no longer, and ran the last few yards back to the house. With trembling fingers I set to opening my mail. What illicit treasure, what undreamed prizes, lay within? What wonderful adventures might be set in train by its contents? My heart aflame, I began to read:

From: Silas Hendrix

Penis Enlarge Patch will give you a shocking magnitude.

Penis Enlarge Patch will make you dick so large you will be able to park a car on it.

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While we’re at it, “Gerald Q. Thomas” has written in to let me know that:

Great sex? It is probable!