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The noble Count
On Friday I did a Q&A as Count Dracula. An old friend of mine is about a third of the way through the novel with her class of 10 year-olds, and although her initial idea was to have me answer their questions in person, perhaps silhouetted behind a screen, the travel involved meant that instead her pupils ended up interviewing the Count by email for an hour. A small sample:
> what is your fav drink and why?
My favourite drink is blood. It has a delightful flavour and is extraordinarily refreshing. My doctor used to supply me with at least a pint a day.
> Why dont you like garlic and holy water?
I am terribly allergic to garlic, a condition I inherited from my family. And any skincare specialist will tell you that holy water dries out the skin, something I can ill afford to happen with my delicate complexion.
> If you have any relatives where do they live??
Sadly my relatives do not live at all. I am the last of my line, and likely to remain that way. As for where my relatives reside, they tend to remain in the crypt.> What do you do all day?
My days are quite sedentary. It is at night when things get interesting.
> Why do you wear black and red all the time?
It matches my eyes.
> why do you like blood so much
If you have never tried its rich flavour, I recommend you do so. All young people should be brought up on its savoury goodness. It is also beneficial for the skin.
> Someone of your description was seen sucking Lucy’s. Pray, explain yourself. If you can ...
I must ask you to explain yourself first. Sucking Lucy’s what, exactly? Lampshade? Writing desk?
> please tell the truth for a truck full of blood
Tempting offer though this is, I cannot help but feel that you are trying to induce me to incriminate myself in some way and so I must politely decline.
> why are you afraid of the sun.?
“Afraid” is not a word I would use. I decline to remain in the presence of the sun as it is very bad for the skin, and I am on a strict skincare regimen due to my delicate complexion. I did try to explain this to Mr Harker but I was in a dreadful hurry, and he may have misunderstood my urgency for fear.
> what do you do inside the castle?
I feast. And play the occasional hand of solitaire.
> why do you dress the way you do?
Black is timeless and never goes out of fashion. It is also a very practical colour if you expect to find yourself doing something messy; very few stains show up on black.
> what do feel about the way people look at you?
People may look at me in any way they wish. I shall look directly back at them, which they may find they regret.** Tonight the part of Dracula will apparently be played by Quentin Crisp.
> what do you like about blood?
Everything. From the way it glints in the candlelight when held aloft in a fine crystal wineglass to its rich, metallic taste as it washes down a meal, it is one of life’s greatest delicacies. It should be the drink of choice for noblemen and kings, and I never trust anyone who says they dislike it.
> Someone of your description was seen in Whitby Last Friday. Explain Yourself..!!
Certainly. I was in Whitby.
> Also How Do You Explain The Sudden Storm in Whitby?
Ah. For that, I can offer no such simple explanation. I am no meteorologist. Perhaps a cold weather front moved across the British Isles and met with a warmer front on the North Sea coast.
> (by the way can we call you Drac)
You may not.
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If invited, would he like to take part in Celeb Literary Big Brother? If so, which other Lit figures would he like to *share* the house with?
Do you have a girlfriend?
Do you have to go to the Dentist?