webofevil | Tebbs 1

Lords Written Answers

Lord Tebbit asked Her Majesty’s Government, further to the Written Answer by Lord Warner on 17 July concerning the availability of condoms in prison, what sexual activities prisoners were allowed to take part in. [HL7198]

Baroness Scotland: Sexual activity by prisoners is neither condoned nor encouraged by prisons as this would be inconsistent with the facts and purposes of custody, including the need to protect the vulnerable and to maintain good order and discipline. However, it is recognised that sex in prisons is a reality. Where condoms are provided it is to preserve individuals’ health, rather than to encourage sexual relationships.

Now, you may find yourself thinking: “Tebbit’s just off on one again. The man’s obsessed with homosexuality. All he can think of is what gay men put into other gay men and where.” But hold! Maybe for once the noble Lord has a legitimate concern. After all, if you were about to find yourself in prison, wouldn’t you be urgently inquisitive about what might be on the cards once the door slammed behind you? The man’s still in the prime of life. He’d be fresh meat for a hardened lag. Those chiselled features have “punk” written all over them. The imminent possibility of getting sent down would certainly explain why hombre-a-hombre shenanigans behind bars were playing on his mind, and no-one would think less of him for it. Who knows whether it was also him who got Lord Maginnis to ask about witchcraft? Whatever it is that has prompted Lord Tebbit to raise his concerns now, I'm sure you'll join with me in wishing him the best of luck.

Legal note: This journal entry is entirely fanciful. We are in no way suggesting that Norman Tebbit is due to be incarcerated at any time, nor do we have any reason to suspect that any investigation of his private life or business activities is under way. Moreover, it is a cliché that a relentless, compulsive, grinding obsession with male homosexuality automatically reveals an ostensibly straight man to be gay himself, and one we would not dream of implying applies to Lord Tebbit, no matter how often or how fervently he insists on batting on and on about man-sex.